Let Fear Guide You, Not Stop You

Often, we use fear as our meter to tell us what we shouldn't do.

It makes sense.

Fear tells us not to walk down that dark alley.

It tells us not to give a stranger on the phone our Social Security number.

It tells us not to change jobs, even the one we hate.

But fear is not always the best determinant of what chances we should take.

Just like how we talk to ourselves about age shapes how we experience aging, how we talk to ourselves about fear shapes what we allow ourselves to do.

Many times, fear isn't protecting us. It's keeping us from trying because we don't want to look silly, because we doubt our own ability, or because someone once told us to stop taking risks, and we never questioned it.

Turn Fear on Its Head

Instead, we need to analyze our fears. Are we using them to avoid making a decision, or are we truly making a decision based on logic, our goals, and our future happiness?

Anything new is a risk. Sometimes the risk is big, and sometimes it's small.

The difference between the two is how much research you've done, how much risk you're willing to take, and how much you trust yourself.

One way to test the fear waters is to start small:

• Take that solo vacation

• Start looking for a new job

• Take a course on a technology you don't understand

• Eat dinner alone

• Go on a retreat and meet new people

When you want to try something new, and that familiar tingle of fear starts to rear its head, put it on a meter: high, medium, or low.

Think about what you actually want to do, then ask what kind of fear you're really feeling. Is it the kind that keeps you out of harm's way? Or is it the kind that stops you from even trying, or thinking about trying?

Don't Avoid Fear, Lean Into It Instead

If, in the end, the fear is avoidance, consider taking a risk on yourself. Do a little research, and take the plunge.

Nothing is truly exciting if there isn't a little fear involved. So don't let fear stop you. Use it to ask yourself better questions, and let it nudge you toward something new and exciting.

That's Rising in Age, too. Not the absence of fear. Just refusing to let it write the whole story.

Cat Valyi, Author

CEO of Shift Always Happens & Co-founder of Women With Dynamic Purpose.